make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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