i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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