M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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