Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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