so explain again why im purple
no
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
