The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
