This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
