My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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