I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
