After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
