I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
