i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
