I can text with my tongue
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
