I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize