Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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