We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
