Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't deserve a penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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