i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
