What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
