Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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