I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
