If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
