if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
