I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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