i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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