did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
