I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
