im holly from the hills drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
