how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
