i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
time to smoke my breakfast
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
