yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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