4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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