hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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