I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
