I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
