my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
