I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
