So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
