whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
