thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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