i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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