Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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