Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
