So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
