i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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