I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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