I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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