his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
