Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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