After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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