I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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