My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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