I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
