I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
there is glitter all over my balls
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