Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
