I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
false alarm. still invincible.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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