I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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