I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
