so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
