I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize