the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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