3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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