Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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