quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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