I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
