i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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