dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
