Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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