yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
