Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
