remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
