How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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