Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
