Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
