Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
