remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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