Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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