i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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