Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
