The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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