I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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