On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
