she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
